New Forever Read online

  Euphoria hits me as her tongue and hand dance along my length me, and while I know she enjoys having control, I flip her over when I feel myself getting close to climaxing. With Hayley lying on her back and her eyes intently on me, I trace kisses over her breasts, down her naval until I am kissing her inner thigh and she is trembling beneath me. She puts her hand in my hair again and pulls my face toward hers and we kiss each other hard and hungry. With our lips connected, I thrust inside of her, desperate to find the release both our bodies yearn for. My thrusts are erratic and I’m barely able to hold on while she pants my name. Seconds after her screams course through my body, I release inside of her and gently bite her chin before I lie down on top of her, careful to not set my whole weight on her.

  She strokes my back for a long time while I rest my face against her neck where I kiss her. Before I drift back to sleep, I ease my body off her and lie down beside her. Her body immediately seeks mine, and with my girl back in my arms, I fall back to sleep. Content to simply be touching her.

  ***

  “Hungry,” Hayley whines, waking me from my sleep. “So hungry.”

  I kiss the side of her mouth and smile when she hugs my neck.

  “I’ll order us some food.” I get off the bed while Hayley tries to drag me back to bed and pick up the phone to call room service. After I order us a light breakfast that won’t upset Hayley’s stomach, I climb back into bed, grab Hayley’s naked body and pull her closer to me.

  “That’s the saddest breakfast I’ve ever had,” Hayley complains.

  “I don’t want you puking again.”

  “But bland ass cereal and fruits?” She scrunches up her nose at me.

  “I’m suffering right along with you. I didn’t even get bacon.”

  “Such a martyr,” she giggles. “I’m gonna take a shower. You should probably put on some clothes before our food gets here.”

  Rather than waiting for our food, I stick a note to the door to leave the food in our room along with a tip on the table, and join Hayley in the shower. Already, my body misses hers and my cock pulses knowing what awaits on the other side of the shower door.

  “Again?” Hayley asks when I open the shower door and she sees the eagerness I can’t hide.

  I don’t answer her, instead I move into the shower quickly, needing to be closer to her, needing to touch her. I take her mouth with mine hard, pulling both her tenderness and her fierceness from her until she gives in to me completely. Her body, always responsive to me, quivers at my touch. Her eyes darken with desire as I pull her to me until our bodies are flushed against each other. Our bodies, warm from the hot water streaming over our bodies, further ignite the flames inside of us that never seem to go out.

  With her surrender, I take over her body, conquering every inch of her until I have claimed her as mine once again. With every caress, I silently promise her to never go astray again. To never let my own demons stand in the way of something that is right.

  Because what if we aren’t meant to remain wounded? What if the past that has haunted me was also the tragedy that led me to Hayley’s heart? After all, it is only through the open wounds of tragedy and pain that others are able to enter our hearts. By focusing on only our pain, we inherently block out the gifts that come with that pain. We allow those wounds to remain open and shy away from gifts such as strength, compassion, wisdom, and the greatest gift, love.

  It’s easier to accept our shortcomings and failures and let them define who we are, than it is to actually let them go. Whether it be guilt, anger, or betrayal, there is comfort in these feelings. Letting them go is scary, so we fight for what has entrapped us, believing slavery is our only true fate. Letting go is hard, but also necessary so that those emotions no longer govern us, but sets us free.

  Nothing in our past can define us. We can grow from them and let them guide us, or we can let them keep us imprisoned, never feeling the full extent of happiness.

  I would never have realized true happiness if it weren’t for Hayley. Now, it was time to remove the clutches of my past so that I could have a future. I’d take Hayley to meet my parents and I’d stand by her side and protect her from their wretchedness if needed. I’d give her everything, and trust it’d be enough.

  And if it wasn’t? If she met them and her disgust for them wormed its way into her heart so that she couldn’t love me anymore? I’d have given her every part of who I am and would be stripped bare anyway. Her rejection would burn, but with my heart beating in the palm of her hand, I’d barely feel it.

  After breakfast, we stop by Adam and Dee’s room to pick up Josie for the day, giving them a much needed parental break. We walk around, excited when we reach the clear underwater tunnel that boasts of sharks, rays, groupers and saw fish. Rather than rushing through, we point out each fish we see to Josie whose animated eyes drink in everything.

  I love this kid. Her eagerness to discover and be an active participant in life is something we should all strive for. Supposedly children learn from us, but I think children are the real teachers. How much more pleasant we would all be if we molded our personalities to that of a child. At least, until they throw one of their temper tantrums and make my balls retreat back into my body in fear of procreating and creating more little cranky-yell-machines.

  We spend a few more minutes by the touch and feel pool where Josie and Hayley carry sea urchins, star fish, and sand dollars before we make it to the children’s wading pool. It isn’t noon yet but already the pool is full of screaming kids and weary parents. Hayley and I take turns going up the steps to the various slides, but Hayley uses her turn to start a water fight with me.

  With Josie on her hip, she points one of the wading pool’s water guns at me and shoots me while I wait for them to come down the slide. Not wanting to move from my position, I shield the water away from my face and watch the slide for them. Only when I hear Josie giggle do I realize what my cunning girlfriend is up to.

  I steal a bucket left behind and forgotten by another kid and fill it with water before I launch my attack on them. Ignoring the angry looks from other parents, Hayley and I chase each other around the small water park while Josie shouts her encouragement at us. Once I reach Hayley, I grab her and toss her over my shoulder so I can carry her back to Josie who enthusiastically jumps on her aunt when I lower her body to the ground. With Josie sitting on Hayley’s stomach, I hand her a full bucket of water that she promptly throws at Hayley’s face. Bucket and water, both! I laugh when I see Hayley is unharmed and was able to block the bucket from hitting her face.

  “Just the water,” I laugh, keeping the bucket away from Josie’s outstretched hands.

  “Jus watah,” Josie agrees so I hand her the bucket again and keep a close eye on her when she pours the water over Hayley’s face.

  “Brats!” Hayley shouts, tickling Josie so she hops off of her. “Both of you are brats.”

  On legs growing steadier every day, Josie runs away from Hayley, squealing when Hayley reaches her and spins her in circles. I watch them, taking pictures with the underwater camera in my pocket, and feel a yearning I’ve never felt before.

  I don’t know when this wanting came about, but with it settling in my stomach, I realize I want this. I want a family with Hayley. I want to marry Hayley and have a baby or two of our own.

  Well, shit. I back away from them with a smile on my face and sit on the lounger we left our towels on. I dry quickly with the late morning sun beating down on us. And I plan.

  From the beginning of our relationship, I’ve enjoyed romancing Hayley. It’s something I relish. I love doing the unexpected and watching surprise and joy spread across her face. Staying on an island, surrounded by beauty, there has to be a way to make my girl feel special.

  Special and precious, that’s what she is. She’s also stubborn and a hell beast when cornered. I love her, all of her. Including the part of her that lashes out at me with abrupt slaps that she quickly apologizes for.

  I look ar
ound me, looking for a clue and when my eyes come across a lone boat just along the horizon, I know I have my answer.

  I walk to Hayley who is sitting on the floor of the wading pool with Josie on her lap and bend over to kiss her.

  “I have to do something,” I tell her and she nods. I love that she trusts me enough to not ask questions I can’t answer just yet. “See you in a few hours?”

  “Do we have lunch without you?”

  I look at my watch and when I see it’s almost one, I nod. This shouldn’t take too long, but I don’t want her waiting for me just in case.

  With the beginnings of a plan, I get a taxi over the bridge to Nassau and start to make my inquiries.

  After drying Josie, I set her on my hip and walk to a nearby restaurant where I order both a cheeseburger and hotdog since Josie can’t make up her mind which she prefers. I figure I’ll let her choose once we’ve settled down to eat and I’ll eat whatever is left over. Unless of course, my sweet little niece decides to eat both. Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past her.

  Our food arrives fifteen minutes after I order, but rather than eating it at the restaurant, I pack it away in my beach bag and walk toward the stingray lagoon. Once we arrive at the lagoon, I let Josie down, who promptly walks toward the shore of the lagoon, while I put two towels on the grass and spread out our food.

  Fearless, she gets closer to the water until she is able to stick her foot in the lagoon. I hold my breath, but not wanting to put fear in her mind, I keep my voice calm as I tell her not to get in the water. While Adam and Dee have been brave—dumb—enough to take her to feed wild stingrays in Bimini, I’m not so sure about these creatures, or really any creatures that can’t be tamed. Grateful when she listens, I go back to unpacking our food while keeping her in my line of vision at all times.

  “Josie,” I call out. “Time to eat.” Curious, she turns away from the lagoon and walks back to me.

  “Big fish,” she tells me, stretching her hands out wide and I nod, purposely taking advantage of her outstretched hands and closing in for a hug.

  “Stingrays,” I explain. “They kind of look like birds, don’t they?” I ask and she looks back at me confused. “They have wings like birds and can slice through the water like birds do in the sky.”

  I point at one as it swims past us, lifting one “wing” slightly out of the water. Delighted, Josie waves back at it. I watch them glide in the water for a few short seconds, sorry that these creatures don’t have the same freedom granted to the sting rays in the wild. Such beautiful animals, entrapped for our viewing pleasure. Not that I’d share any of those thoughts with Josie whose innocent eyes devour their every movement.

  With Josie on my lap, I take the wrapping off both meals and let her pick. My stomach rejoices when she chooses the hotdog, allowing me to eat the cheeseburger. While we eat, Josie keeps me entertained as she recounts the days’ activities and I have to agree with her, it has been fun. And exhausting, I note when she rubs her eyes.

  Wanting to make sure that she’ll actually nap when we go back to my room, I put aside my fears and let her play along the shore of the lagoon with other kids but am watchful none of the rays get close to her. After another tour through the aquariums, we walk hand in hand to my room.

  “Not sleepy,” she tells me when I explain it’s time for a nap.

  “Of course not,” I agree as I take off her bathing suit and turn on the water for a warm bath. “I’m not sleepy either.” I yawn loudly, making her laugh.

  Halfway through her shower, she sits in the bathtub and almost falls asleep while I scrub her back. To keep her relaxed, I hum a song I’ve heard Dee sing to her countless times and smile when her eyes grow heavier.

  Not sleepy, my eye.

  Still humming, I gently pick her up from the bathtub and towel dry her as her head begins to bounce forward. I try not to giggle when she falls into a deep sleep with her little mouth wide open while I slip on her shirt. I kiss her on the forehead and lay her down on the bed. With my Kindle in my hand I sit down on the bed so I can read. Far more relaxed than I’ve been in days, I open myself up to the story before me and lose myself to fictional characters that already feel like friends.

  I feel my eyes grow heavy, but continue to read, shaking my head a couple times to keep me awake because there’s no way I’m ready to leave this literary world behind just yet. I jump slightly when I hear a loud ding come from Max’s computer and hold my breath when Josie stirs. After she closes her eyes and resumes sleeping, I get off of the bed as quietly as possible and walk to Max’s nightstand so that I can turn the volume off on Max’s laptop. Unsure of how to do it, I open it up and tap in his password.

  Not being very computer savvy, it takes me a few minutes to find the setting to shut off the sound. As I begin to close his laptop, a message with the subject “Visit Soon” pops up on the screen. Curious, I move the courser and open it. Immediately, blood surges through my body as my heart hammers in my chest, leaving me both shaky and weak.

  It’s from his parents.

  I scroll down to read Max’s email that he sent to them earlier today before going back to read their response.

  Mom and Dad,

  Hi, it’s Max. I know it’s been awhile, but I wanted to reach out to you. My girlfriend would like to meet you and discuss matters that I’m sure will be difficult for all of us. Be polite and considerate of her feelings—that is all I ask.

  I’ll contact you again when we’re ready to visit you.

  Max

  It’s short and blunt and painfully impersonal. I can’t help the sharp pain in my chest for all three of them. That’s not an email you send to your parents after five years of no contact. I can only hope his parents respond more warmly.

  Max,

  It is good to hear from you, Son. I hope you are well.

  If the matters your girlfriend wishes to discuss are the reasons why you left home and haven’t contacted us once in the past five years, your mother and I are eager to hear them. You were a child when you left home, and I hope you have matured enough that you can put the past to rest. Your mom and I love you very much, but just as before, we will not encourage nonsense.

  Love,

  Dad

  My hands begin to tremble as I reread their words. Is the nonsense he speaks of Hannah’s death? After five years, can they still not accept that they ruined so many lives? Their son left because they wouldn’t speak to him or let him grieve for their wrongdoing. A family – my family – was destroyed when a young girl took her life. Is this the nonsense he speaks of?

  I close my hands in tight fists, wanting to throttle them. Maybe meeting them won’t be helpful. Maybe it’ll drive Max back into the stupor he’s finally climbed out of. Maybe it’ll just anger me and leave me with open wounds that have already been scarred over. Selfishly, I want to chance it. I need to confront them and let them know what they did to me and my parents.

  I close his laptop, remembering to mark the email from his parents as unread and climb back into bed with Josie, who is drooling on Max’s pillow. Unable to read, I lie down next to her and let my brain reel in every direction it wants.

  Uncertainty pulls at me and I try to brush it aside. The email can’t change anything, because I won’t let it. Max and I are strong enough that we can pull through this together. Our relationships has stood through several tests and neither one of us has completely given up on the other.

  Yes, Max broke up with me, but when I came back and refused to let us die, he came back too. We’ll have to do the same thing again. There’ll be hurt after we meet them. Max will pull away from me again. But I have to believe that our love will be able to sustain it. Because if I don’t do this, if I allow fear to keep me from speaking to Max’s parents, I’ll always wonder what if?

  I no longer knew Hannah when she died. Max’s Dad must have known some part of her to have captured her heart. I want to know her so I can feel her next to me once again. One last time. And, damn i
t, I want to know why he lied to her. Why he seduced her, made her believe he’d change his whole life for her, when he never felt anything more than lust for her—a sixteen year old girl.

  Hannah deserves to know. He shattered her already broken mind, and she deserves to know why. That is the only respite either one of us will get.

  I can’t take back the hurtful things I said to her. I can’t turn back the clock and spend more time getting to know her. I can’t talk to her.

  I can never apologize for any of it or tell her how much I love her. But I can try to find a reason beyond myself for her breaking point.

  Because I need relief as well. No matter what her last words to me in her letter were, I’ve always blamed myself, and a very large part of me needs to know I wasn’t fully to blame.

  I told Max that the blame game would lead him to an early grave, but I failed to mention I still blame myself. I was her twin sister. I should have seen her inner struggle when no one else did. I should have been able to reach her when no one else could.

  Instead, I acted as if she was this strange little island all her own. At times I wasn’t just embarrassed by her strangeness, but I hated her for it. I wished she’d be gone.

  Then, one day she fulfilled my wish and she was gone. Forever.

  My plan sounded a lot easier in my head than it actually was. After visiting five different marinas in Nassau and Paradise Island, speaking to several Captains and discussing a menu with a local fisherman who was recommended to me by almost everyone I spoke to for his cooking skills, I was ready to crash on the bed until dinner time.

  Only Hayley wasn’t. You’d think Josie would have worn her out but sometimes Hayley is like a bottomless pit of movement. So, after grabbing a quick shower and dropping Josie back off with her parents, I take her hand and together we walk the aquariums, only stopping to take pictures and a drink. Apparently, she also needed alcohol, which will hopefully sedate her a bit. She’s been like a ball of electric nerves since I got back to our room, and I wonder whether spending the day with Josie has filled her with ideas of starting our own family as it has me.